In which Cyrus Boracha decodes bathroom politics in marriages

The biggest destroyer of relationships amongst couples worldwide is a phenomena known as B.D. This translates into the phrase Bathroom Domination.

Folks, I don’t understand why couples can’t come clean about this? I mean, I can’t believe no government, legal authority, building panchayat, not even local ticket collectors or class monitors have tackled the subject. The amazing thing is you and I think about it all the time.

Okay, I think about it and you ask yourself what the hell are you doing by continuing to read this column. Please, I request you to hold that thought. Let me clear the air, (an impossible task in Mumbai or Delhi), for a second. Many misguided individuals feel that relationships break because of infidelity, financial pressures, or family interference. The scientific answer to this — these reasons are correct, but only on weekends.

During the working week, there is a far more sinister, evil force at play. But don’t take my word for it. Let me quote the great social commentator, Sushilaben S. Shinde. (Incidentally, Sushila was born a man but transformed into a lady at the age of 27). Sushila says the biggest destroyer of relationships amongst couples worldwide is a phenomena known as B.D. This translates into the phrase Bathroom Domination.

At first while reading Sushilaben’s book Bath, Beds and Breakups, I must admit to being a little puzzled by this observation. However after 22 years of marriage, (three of which were quite successful), I realise that Sushila is as wise as both Kautilya and Valamki, put together. Let’s examine a few of her more specific and well documented points on B.D.

Sushilaben points out, in any couple, one member is more territorial and predator-like about the bathroom space. Mind you, this does not (let me repeat that) does not co-relate into who spends longer time in the bathroom. As occupying the bathroom does not necessarily mean the individual concerned is using the bathroom.

Take my own case, where I spend hours hidden away in the bathroom, to avoid confrontations with the Bathroom Dominator, in this case, my wife. So, here I’m using it as a sanctuary.

Sushilaben points out the B.D. individual, will exert her dominance, (er… yes, I’ve taken the liberty of using the ‘her’ word here haphazardly with no judgement or prejudice intended) by doing certain things. Such as, position of towels, clothes, toilet paper and other toilet accessories, and yes, alas, also position of the other member of the couple, in the territory of said toilet.