The 6 Issues People-Pleasers Bring Up The Most In Therapy
HuffPost
If you're always putting others before yourself, this therapist-backed insight is for you.
You’ve probably heard a friend or family member utter the phrase “I’m a people-pleaser.” Maybe you identify as one yourself. Or you’ve likely seen posts about it on social media.
People-pleasing “doesn’t just start at adulthood,” said Manahil Riaz, a psychotherapist in Houston and the owner of Riaz Counseling. “There is some sort of a link to family culture in childhood.”
This could mean that children were loved or praised only when doing things for others, Riaz said. Alternatively, it could be based on the modeling that they saw from adults in childhood, or even trauma that created people-pleasing behaviors, explained Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist in California.
As a people-pleaser grows up, they feel “responsible for the happiness of others ... and while they’re feeling responsible for other people’s happiness, they tend to neglect themselves,” Riaz said. “It’s extremely difficult to be a people-pleaser.”
Additionally, people-pleasing is an embedded behavior, Moore said. Stopping it isn’t as easy as just saying no to extra work or a dinner party invitation. Instead, people-pleasing is the repeated pattern of putting others’ moods, emotions or needs above your own, which can eventually lead to self-neglect.
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