I was jealous my mom left me behind to be a nanny in Canada. Now I understand her sacrifice

This First Person column is the experience of Mark Datoc, who lives in Calgary. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ. This story is part of Welcome to Canada, a CBC News series about immigration told through the eyes of the people who have experienced it.

I was 10 years old when I found out my mom was hoping to leave.

We lived in the Philippines and my mom wanted to work in Canada to help our family get out of poverty. She had been applying for jobs for years, paused her search for a while after I was born, and then started sending applications again. 

I learned about my mom's plan from my older brother one day after school as we sat watching the sunset near our house. I was too shocked to speak. We walked home in silence. When I saw my mom cooking chicken adobo and smiling as if there was no problem, I went to my room to cry. 

The Philippines is a beautiful country and the Filipino people are kind. But it's also difficult to live there. It's hard to earn money because salaries are low and there are often delays in getting paid. My family was in debt because I had been seriously sick several times as a child. Things were so bad that at one point my mom sold her phone to buy medicine for me. Each month, about 60 to 70 per cent of her salary went to paying off her loans. 

That's why she started applying for work in Canada again, she said, when she and I quietly talked it through. But I still wasn't prepared for the day she actually left three years later.

I was in my room playing video games when I heard a scream in our living room. My mom was jumping and crying because she got accepted for a job in Canada as a babysitter.

I was happy for her. But when she started to pack up her things, I was so mad I couldn't even look at her. On the way to the airport, I just stared at the clouds. Then, suddenly, my tears were pouring down and I hugged my mom and cried. We stopped at our favourite restaurant, Jollibee, and had fried chicken, spaghetti and burger steak. We talked about our favourite memories and then went to church to thank God and ask Him to protect her.

Then it was time for her to go, and my dad told me something I've always clung to: "It's going to be OK; Soon we will be reunited again in God's perfect timing."

I didn't see my mom in person again for four years.

Every afternoon, with the time difference, we called my mom before she went to work. The video calls helped because I could still feel my mom's presence. But I would cry in my room from jealousy and hide it from my family because I didn't want to make them feel sad. 

Two years after she left, in 2020, my family decided we should join my mom in Canada. I wasn't happy because I knew I would miss my friends, cousins and grandmother. But then the pandemic hit and all our plans were delayed. My mom went on working in Canada, and we missed her but kept living in the Philippines. 

I remember each birthday without her. She bought gifts — an Android phone, a gaming computer and then a 120cc motorcycle when I turned 15. But I missed her. I was jealous when I saw other teenagers with their moms — even if they were being scolded. They had their moms to guide them and help with their homework.

Then I got a surprise. It was almost my 17th birthday. I was walking home from school, thinking of her, when I looked up at the sky and wished to God that she would be able to come home again.