Growing up non-binary in today’s India

Agender, genderfluid, bigender — children and young adults finally have a name to put to what they are feeling. Now parents and the society must learn how to be supportive and respectful

“I knew I was different. I didn’t fit into what boys used to like or what girls used to like, but I didn’t know the words,” says Rubani Singh, 19, a budding pastry chef from Mumbai, who identifies as non-binary and prefers to be addressed by the pronouns they/them instead of she/her. Confused? If the usage of pronouns on social media bios, and the number of young people contacting therapists are any indication, an increasing number of children, teenagers and young adults are identifying themselves as non-binary — an umbrella term for people who do not see themselves as fitting into the gender binaries of exclusively male or female. They may not identify with any particular gender (agender), may not have fixed which gender they identify with most or may not want to be restricted by any gender (genderfluid), may encompass a bit of both genders (bigender), or may identify completely with the binary that’s across from them (someone born female could identify with the male gender and, therefore, chooses to be a trans man). The incongruence sets in because the world doesn’t see them the way they see themselves. Publicly listing the pronouns they are comfortable with on their social media handles is one step towards bridging this. “I don’t see it as a phenomenon, something fashionable or cool. I think it’s because young people have found the language to express what they are experiencing,” says Shelja Sen, Child & Adolescent Psychologist, who counsels gender non-conforming youngsters at Delhi’s Children First, along with her husband, psychiatrist Dr Amit Sen. Children First offers clinical and counselling services.