Feeling stressed and anxious? Join the modern parenting club
CBC
If you've ever laid awake at night worrying about whether you were unkind as your soul left your body when your kid rolled over 45 minutes past bedtime and asked you his 27th rapid-fire question in a row ("Why is pee hot?" followed swiftly by No. 28: "When will you die? No, like how many years exactly?").
If you've tossed and turned in the wee hours, wondering if you remembered to set a 4 a.m. alarm to fight every other parent in the city for a coveted swimming lesson spot (like The Hunger Games, but perhaps more violent).
And if you've slammed your face into your pillow, torturing yourself about whether your child formed a core memory of that time they fell off the monkey bars while you were watching reels of Dancing with the Stars on your phone (he was fine ... right? Should we Google "delayed signs of internal bleeding" just to be safe?).
You're not alone in worrying that you've caused them irreparable damage. You're not even unique. You're just a modern parent.
Last weekend, in response to recent CBC News stories on the stresses of modern parenting, Cross Country Checkup asked parents to describe the issues that are causing the most stress in their families. The radio program heard from parents across Canada who described generational differences in parenting styles, the division of labour and isolation — just to name a few.
"I was raised in the '80s and '90s, and her, she was the late '90s to 2000s, and even just that gap alone, you're starting to see how differently they approach things," Albert Jame said about the disagreements he has with his wife about parenting.
"Growing up, I truly don't know if I ever saw a car seat in my home," said Jame, who lives in Saskatoon and has a three-year-old child and another baby on the way.
While some parents on the program spoke about broader issues, like the pressure of breaking generational cycles and teaching kids to regulate their emotions, others were more specific about what caused them the most stress.
"How to handle fussy eaters," said Melanie Reaveley of Cowichan Valley, B.C., explaining that by the time she and her partner had their second child, they no longer had the energy for food battles and gave in. "He's almost 17 now and guess what? Still a fussy eater. We still worry about this parenting issue."
The recognition that having children is increasingly costly, time-consuming and stressful was reflected in a recent public health advisory issued by the U.S. surgeon general.
In August, Dr. Vivek Murthy warned about the impact of modern stresses on parents' mental health, saying today's parents face unique challenges, such as the rising cost of living, social media and the youth mental health crisis.
On top of that, some experts have argued that parenting has become more intense. Data shows parents today spend more time with their children than in previous generations (even while more women are working full time) and that the predominant modern parenting style centres on acknowledging a child's feelings — which has left many parents feeling burned out.
"We have changed our perspective about parenting," said Alyson Schafer, a family counsellor in Kingston, Ont., parenting expert and author of Ain't Misbehavin', Honey I Wrecked the Kids and Breaking the Good Mom Myth.
It might be hard to believe, Schafer said on Cross Country Checkup, but 100 years ago, we didn't even think parenting mattered. There's a pervasive cultural idea today that parents should be striving to keep their children happy all of the time that's very different from previous generations, other experts have noted.
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