Are you EVM-positive?

Last Tuesday, our kitchen tested positive. Every time we took the cake out of the oven, it was lotus-shaped

You might be stunned to hear this, but most Indians have no idea what to do if they find an EVM in their car, their bedroom, or in their head, for that matter. According to a study conducted by the Phew Research Center (PRC) in collaboration with the Centre for the Study of Collapsing Societies (CSCS), 7.5 out of 10 Indians don’t know what ‘EVM’ stands for, let alone the protocol for managing EVMs that flee the polling booth and infect people’s cars, homes, and hearts. For instance, one gentleman from Valasaravakkam, quoted in the PRC-CSCS study, believed that the full form of EVM was ‘Extra Vote Machan’, which is patently incorrect. Nor does EVM stand for ‘Excellent for Vote Manipulation’, as some people on social media have been saying. So what exactly is an EVM? What does it do? And most important, can it be relied upon to safeguard the glorious Indian democracy from the efforts of Opposition parties to win elections? The answer to all these questions is ‘Yes!’ But sadly, these are the wrong questions. They won’t come in the Board exam. The real question, as usual buried by mainstream media, is why are EVMs spreading so much faster than the coronavirus? According to reports in alternative news sites, the most affected States right now are Assam and West Bengal. In Assam, for instance, one of these super-spreader EVMs went to the extent of hijacking a car linked to a BJP leader, causing a repoll and the suspension of four polling officials.