5 Signs You’re Co-Ruminating With Your Partner (And How To Stop)

Co-ruminating — not to be confused with venting — can affect relationship satisfaction. Here’s how to identify this harmful cycle.

It happened again: you got home late and started venting to your partner about your boss pulling you into a meeting just as you were about to leave. Then it’s your partner’s turn to complain about their mom who keeps doling out unsolicited parenting advice.

A week later you’re having the same conversations about your boss and your partner’s mom and their apparent lack of boundaries. This cycle of repeatedly and excessively discussing problems without coming to a resolution is what psychologists refer to as co-rumination.

While rehashing problems might “feel supportive initially, it can lead to increased emotional distress and strain relationships,” said Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and founder of Comprehend the Mind. The first step in breaking your habit of co-rumination is recognizing the difference between constructive sharing and unhelpful dwelling.

Below, relationship experts explain how to tell when you’re co-ruminating, why it’s harmful to your relationship, and how to curb this behavior. Here are the signs of co-rumination:

1. Rehashing the same problem repeatedly