This Is The Most Common Question To Ask A Friend — And It's Way Less Helpful Than It Seems

Here's why, and what to ask instead.

When a friend is going through a hard time, you want to be there for them. But there’s one super common and well-meaning question you’re bound to ask that could be getting in the way of truly supporting them:

How are you?

Often, this feels more like a perfunctory greeting or social nicety than a genuine inquiry about someone’s well-being.

“While well-intentioned, it usually doesn’t create the space for a meaningful or vulnerable response,” Washington, D.C., psychologist Marie Land told HuffPost.

Many of us have been conditioned to respond to a “how are you” with pat responses like, “Fine, thanks,” “Not bad” or “Hanging in there.” It doesn’t typically encourage the kind of deeper conversation you may be hoping to have.