The next hit web series

Reptilian eye muscles and empty closets — if you have them, do apply

Since our most committed relationships of late have been with web series through the lockdown, surely we’re experts at what makes one now? Everyone else gets shot and killed in every action scene. The hero clings on. The bad men are bad shots. Everyone misses the hero. Worrying about him in any episode is useless because he has to survive till the end of the series. Even if he’s killed in the first scene as Ganesh Gaitonde is in Sacred Games, he still lives through 16 episodes till that point. Before each break, the camera freezes on someone’s face. They never blink. Often with tears that never spill. Don’t pretend you’ve never seen Sony Crime Patrol. This look is supposed to convey deep meaning. But you suspect the cameraman has gone for a hygiene break.