The First Day of Discovery: An essay and poem

This First Person article was written by P.E.I. poet laureate Julie Pellissier-Lush, an actor and writer. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

When the news started talking about the first discovery of the lost graves of the children I was in shock.  

What did it mean? We, as Indigenous people, knew the stories, we knew the hurt our survivors endured in residential schools all over Turtle Island, but now it was all so real.  

I felt a pressure in my chest, like a heavy weight pushing all the air out of my lungs, slowly but steadily. I pushed those emotions down, compartmentalized the emotions I didn't feel I had the right to feel so deeply.   

I had not gone to residential school, but I sat and cried with survivors as they spoke of their experiences.   

Day one after the news was a blur, struggling to stay focused and get my work done, but I did it. It was the same for the next few days: I went to our communities where we gathered to drum and sing for those lost young ones. They set up a memorial with 215 little white crosses, each draped with a tiny pair of shoes.  At sundown, we drummed for the spirits of those little ones, so they knew we cared, so they knew we knew they were there and welcomed them all home.  

There were a few tears on those nights, as we drummed and supported each other's pain, but it wasn't until exactly a week later that I allowed that pain to hit — and it hit hard.