Primary Country (Mandatory)

United States

Other Country (Optional)

Set News Language for United States

Primary Language (Mandatory)
English
Other Language[s] (Optional)
No other language available

Set News Language for World

Primary Language (Mandatory)
English
Other Language(s) (Optional)

Set News Source for United States

Primary Source (Mandatory)
CNN
Other Source[s] (Optional)

Set News Source for World

Primary Source (Mandatory)
AajTak
Other Source(s) (Optional)
  • Countries
    • India
    • United States
    • Qatar
    • Germany
    • China
    • Canada
    • World
  • Categories
    • National
    • International
    • Business
    • Entertainment
    • Sports
    • Special
    • All Categories
  • Available Languages for United States
    • English
  • All Languages
    • English
    • Hindi
    • Arabic
    • German
    • Chinese
    • French
  • Sources
    • India
      • AajTak
      • NDTV India
      • The Hindu
      • India Today
      • Zee News
      • NDTV
      • BBC
      • The Wire
      • News18
      • News 24
      • The Quint
      • ABP News
      • Zee News
      • News 24
    • United States
      • CNN
      • Fox News
      • Al Jazeera
      • CBSN
      • NY Post
      • Voice of America
      • The New York Times
      • HuffPost
      • ABC News
      • Newsy
    • Qatar
      • Al Jazeera
      • Al Arab
      • The Peninsula
      • Gulf Times
      • Al Sharq
      • Qatar Tribune
      • Al Raya
      • Lusail
    • Germany
      • DW
      • ZDF
      • ProSieben
      • RTL
      • n-tv
      • Die Welt
      • Süddeutsche Zeitung
      • Frankfurter Rundschau
    • China
      • China Daily
      • BBC
      • The New York Times
      • Voice of America
      • Beijing Daily
      • The Epoch Times
      • Ta Kung Pao
      • Xinmin Evening News
    • Canada
      • CBC
      • Radio-Canada
      • CTV
      • TVA Nouvelles
      • Le Journal de Montréal
      • Global News
      • BNN Bloomberg
      • Métro
Oil Sprayer for Cooking Buy Now
Puffy Eyes And Dark Circles Treatment Buy Now
Fire TV 40 inch 2-Series Smart TV Buy Now
Formal Office Shoes Buy Now
Cremo Italian Bergamot Body Wash Buy Now
BIODANCE Bio-Collagen Deep Hydrating Mask Buy Now
Basics Household Tool Kit With Storage Case Buy Now
Swarovski Subtle Bracelet Buy Now
Men's Ripped Jeans Buy Now
Anne Klein Leather Watch Buy Now
Duduma Polarized Sports Sunglasses Buy Now
KODAK PIXPRO AZ405 Digital Camera (20MP, 40X Zoom) Buy Now
DEARMAY Gold Bracelets Set Buy Now
Gold Bracelets for Women Buy Now
2 Pieces Summer Beach Outfits Buy Now
Digital Resin Strap Watch Buy Now
TEZO Men's Casual Active Tracksuits Buy Now
Olive Oil Dispenser Bottle for Kitchen Buy Now
Women's Plaid Shacket Buy Now
High-Waisted Workout Leggings Buy Now
MoreBack to News Headlines
Satire | Epiphanies on January 20, when Donald Trump took oath as the 47th president of the U.S.
Premium

Satire | Epiphanies on January 20, when Donald Trump took oath as the 47th president of the U.S. Premium

The Hindu
Thursday, January 23, 2025 10:58 AM GMT

2025 plan: become a mediator, refuse Nobel Prize, mediate conflicts from dogs to world peace, inspired by Donald Trump.

My plan for 2025 is to start a new career as a mediator. I would go around mediating wherever I see conflict. For my sustained contributions to conflict-resolution, I would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, which I would refuse — because I am not doing it for personal glory but to make the world great again.

For example, there are lots of dogs near my place. They keep having loud arguments over who is the top dog, who is the underdog, and who is the hot dog. Sometimes things get physical — just like with humans. But the next time I see a bunch of them fighting and overturning flower pots or something, I would mediate. If they don’t listen to me, I would pick up a hose and spray water on them until they stop fighting.

Or, if I see two cows fighting on the road, I would remind them of their public image as non-violent creatures, point to their exalted status as gods, and what kind of example they are setting for their human devotees. But I would not physically intervene because what if one of the cows suffers a brain haemorrhage and I get beaten up for it? You see what I mean? Mediating is not an easy job — it requires talent, smarts, and an aptitude for deal-making.

I won’t stop with cows though. If a married couple were to follow the bad example of the cows and start fighting and demanding divorce, I would immediately mediate. I would draw their attention to the sanctity of marriage in our ancient culture and tell them both to drop it. In return, I will allow them to pay me not more than 30,000 bucks each plus 18% GST.

The idea is to start small, with petty disputes. Once I have built my brand identity as a mediator — which I intend to do by sharing my learnings on LinkedIn — I will gradually work my way up until I become the go-to option for mediating geo-political conflicts. If all goes well at this level, I can set up a successful practice mediating inter-planetary and/or inter-galactic conflicts.

My friends are asking: why this sudden switch to mediation? Am I not happy doing journalism? Much as I love journalism, it is not enough. I don’t mean this financially, though it does pay peanuts. What really bothers me is the lack of impact.

It all began with an epiphany I had on January 20: a journalist can only report on a conflict, but a mediator can resolve it. Two hours later, I had a second epiphany: conflicts are growing all over the world. And then, I had one last and final epiphany: why not turn conflict into an opportunity to make money? That’s when I knew I must become a mediator.

Read full story on The Hindu
Share this story on:-
Run 3 Space | Play Space Running GamePlay Run 3, the ultimate space tunnel running game with 300+ challenging levels!Adv.
Traffic Jam 3D | Online Racing GameTraffic Jam 3D is a game where you’ll be driving through heavy traffic.Adv.
Duck Hunt | Play Old Classic GamePlay the classic 1984 light gun shooter game Duck Hunt on your browser.Adv.
More Related News
Russia says ‘no damage’ to Crimea bridge after Ukraine attack

Ukraine detonates bomb on Crimean bridge, causing no damage, amid ongoing tensions with Russia.

Pakistani Foreign Minister says chances of revival of conflict with India 'remote'

Foreign Minister Ishaq Dar discusses Pakistan-India conflict, ceasefire, diplomatic efforts, and international support in recent press conference.

What we know about the shootings near Gaza aid distribution sites

Violence erupts in Gaza as Palestinians seek food aid; Israeli military accused of deadly shootings.

Pakistan-India intelligence collaboration can reduce terrorism: Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari

Bilawal Bhutto-Zardari advocates for Pakistan-India intelligence cooperation to combat terrorism, urges global engagement in South Asia.

Pakistan to chair Taliban Sanctions Committee of UNSC

Denmark, Russia, Sierra Leone, and Pakistan take key roles in UNSC committees for 2025-26 term.

U.S.-backed Gaza aid group halts distribution, U.N. to vote on ceasefire demand

UN Security Council to vote on ceasefire demand; US-backed aid group seeks Israeli cooperation for civilian safety.

Ten Palestinians killed in Israeli attack on school in Gaza's Khan Younis, health authorities say

Israeli military escalates attacks on Khan Younis, killing 10 in airstrike on school; updates from health officials.

U.S. immigration authorities detain family of man charged in Colorado attack

Egyptian man accused of firebombing event in Colorado faces deportation after injuring 12 in support of Israeli hostages.

Russian rockets kill 4 in Ukrainian city as Kyiv claims it damaged key bridge

Russian rocket attack kills 4 in Sumy; Ukraine strikes Kerch Bridge; Zelenskyy appeals for global pressure; no peace talks progress.

Trump calls China's Xi tough, 'hard to make a deal with'

Donald Trump criticizes Chinese President Xi Jinping as tough and difficult to negotiate with, amid ongoing trade disputes.

Indian delegation in U.S. to push anti-terror message, discuss Operation Sindoor

Indian delegation led by Shashi Tharoor to meet U.S. officials, think tanks, and media to discuss Operation Sindoor and terrorism.

U.S. accuses two Chinese researchers of smuggling in 'potential agroterrorism weapon'

Chinese nationals accused of smuggling dangerous pathogen Fusarium graminearum into U.S. for agroterrorism research face federal charges.

Russia says no quick breakthrough in 'complex' Ukraine talks

Russia and Ukraine continue to clash in ongoing negotiations, with no immediate solutions in sight for peace talks.

Parking Slot | Free Parking GamePlay Parking Slot, the best online 3D car driving and parking game.Adv.
Slope Ball Run - Play OnlineSlope Game takes you on an exciting journey of a ball on special paths.Adv.
Israeli military recovers bodies of two hostages held by Hamas, Prime Minister says

Israeli army recovers bodies of hostages in Gaza, with 56 still held by Hamas; Netanyahu confirms.

China issues warrants for alleged Taiwanese hackers, bans business for pro-independence links

China issues warrants for Taiwanese hackers, bans dealings with company supporting Taiwan independence, escalating tensions between the two nations.

Russian strike kills 5, including 1 year old, hours after Trump calls Putin

Russian drone attacks in Ukraine cause casualties and destruction, escalating tensions after Trump-Putin talks.

Nine injured in Ryanair emergency landing in Germany

Ryanair flight makes emergency landing in Germany due to turbulence, injuring nine passengers; bus transfer to Milan arranged.

Saudi officials use AI, drones and thousands of cameras to keep hajj pilgrims safe

During the holy month of Ramadan this year, the system spotted when the Grand Mosque had reached full capacity.

Trump orders investigation of Biden’s use of an autopen, claiming White House cover-up

Trump orders investigation into Biden's autopen use, House Republicans request interviews with Biden aides, alleging cover-up.

As U.S. pauses new visa interviews, why international students matter | Data

U.S. visa interview scheduling paused, social media vetting expanded for foreign students, impacting universities and economy.

Trump moves to block U.S. entry for foreigners planning to study at Harvard University

Trump signs executive order blocking foreign students from attending Harvard, citing national security concerns and escalating fight with university.

Morning Digest: 11 die in stampede as RCB victory celebrations turn tragic at Bengaluru; MHA says next census to be completed by March 1, 2027, and more

The Hindu Morning Digest: June 05, 2025

‘Small Matters’: Shashi Tharoor on Kerfuffle Over Trump’s Claims On Brokering India-Pakistan Ceasefire

India prioritizes relationship with U.S. over Trump's involvement in India-Pakistan cease fire, says Congress MP Shashi Tharoor.

Beijing slams Rubio ‘attack’ on China after Tiananmen Square remarks

China condemns U.S. Secretary of State for Tiananmen Square remarks; activists commemorate anniversary worldwide despite crackdowns.

Donald Trump warns no ‘immediate peace’ in Ukraine after call with Vladimir Putin

U.S. President Donald Trump said he had spoken again to Russian President Vladimir Putin, but warned that a Ukraine ceasefire remained distant and said the Kremlin leader vowed to retaliate after Kyiv attacked Russian bombers.

© 2008 - 2025 Webjosh  |  News Archive  |  Privacy Policy  |  Contact Us