I am not a number, I am a real story from Gaza. Remember it

Ruwaida Amer talks about wrestling with the terror of constant Israeli bombardment and wondering what comes next.

I’ve been thinking about writing a will.

I didn’t expect to feel death so close to me. I used to say death comes suddenly, we don’t feel it, but during this war, they made us feel everything … slowly.

We suffer before it happens, like expecting your house to be bombed.

It may still be standing since the start of the war, but that feeling of fear remains within you. This fear has worn my heart down, till I feel like it can’t handle anything more.

Since the beginning of the war, I’ve been struggling with the Israeli army being so close to us. I remember the moment tanks entered from the Netzarim area, and I sent a message to all my friends, shocked: “How did they enter Gaza? Am I dreaming?!”