How to talk to your kids about Russia's invasion of Ukraine

As Russia's invasion of Ukraine enters its third week, the images and information coming from the area are frightening and disturbing — and all the more alarming for kids and teens.

Photos and videos of crying, displaced and even injured children are being displayed on the news and social media, leaving kids across Canada working to process the distressing images and grappling with confusion about the conflict.

Lindsay Jones, the manager of mental health and psychosocial support with the Canadian Red Cross, says parents and caregivers can assume most kids, particularly school-aged children, have had some exposure to the war through social media, TV or podcasts — and that's an excellent place to start.

"And if we begin there we can then initiate discussions with them on how much they know, just creating that support — asking what they know, what they've heard — creating that space for them to ask questions they might have," she told CBC News: Compass host Louise Martin.

"Depending on the age of the child, there may be more or less confusion about what's happening. But just connection with your child is so important in that regard, and validating those feelings they may be having — the fear, the confusion, the anxiety — because these are human responses to what we're seeing." 

Stephen Butler, a child clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Prince Edward Island, advises keeping it simple and straightforward. He suggests parents steer clear of offering too much information or too many details, focusing instead on the child and their thoughts or feelings.

"You really want to match your discussion and your messages to the age of the child and what they're able to understand," he said.

"Even for really young kids, you know preschoolers, starting with where the child is at really means getting them to express themselves so you really want to have them talking and so another general principle or guideline that I follow is you really want them talking a lot more than I'm talking … you really want to hear from them."

He said older kids and teenagers can likely sustain a longer conversation, but the principle is the same.

"You really want to be hearing from them as much as possible and then respond to that, rather than the person, the parent, talking to them for long periods of time."

Butler said parents need to give themselves permission not to have all the answers, but instead aim to listen and offer support.

"It's an amazing world in many ways but it can be a difficult world and … we often just don't know or we know a little bit.… It's actually, I think, more important to be able to talk to and listen to our kids than to be experts, than to know the answers," he said.

"Kids, in my experience, don't need us to know everything. They don't need us to always know. And in fact, one of the things they're maybe looking to us for is to be able to understand, to accept their feelings, to help them feel secure."

Jones said parents and caregivers can turn to reliable and legitimate news sources so they're better able to answer questions, but stressed that that shouldn't be the primary focus of any conversations with their kids.