Climate change FAQ for dictators

To avoid emissions, I virtually attended COP, which stands for ‘Conference of Parties’, French for ‘mother of all parties’

The world’s biggest climate change party happened in Gasglow last week. Did you go? I got invited but didn’t go. I attended virtually to avoid emissions. It’s while explaining to friends why I didn’t go that I realised most people don’t know anything about climate change parties. In fact, 9.9 out of every 10.1 Indians don’t even know what COP-26 stands for. Many believe it’s the latest version of UAPA under which any ‘cop’ can arrest you and keep you in jail without trial for 26 years for something you didn’t do. But that’s not what COP-26 is.

COP stands for ‘Conference of Parties’, which is French for ‘mother of all parties’. Like every year, this year also the world’s top contributors to climate change gathered in Gasglow to hug each other and party past sundown and sea rise. As always, India clocked the highest number of anti-climate change hugs. We not only hugged all the prime ministers and presidents, we also hugged the UN Personal Secretary, the guy who takes the minutes of all the discussions at the Parties.

A major insight that emerged from COP-26 is that because the climate is constantly changing, not everyone can stay up-to-date on the issue. It’s alright if ordinary people are ignorant but dictators must be fully informed on the subject — not because they may someday have to answer questions in a press conference but because climate change is a matter of survival, and if there is one thing all dictators care about, it is survival. So, for the benefit of the world’s top dictators, I’ve compiled a handy FAQ on climate change: