As the stepbrother of Myles Sanderson, his role in the James Smith Cree Nation tragedy haunts me
CBC
This First Person article is the experience of Curt Sanderson, who lives in Saskatoon. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
WARNING: Some content may be distressing to readers.
Sunday, Sept. 4, 2022.
I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing. Twenty seconds later, it was buzzing again.
There was an alert prominently displayed on my lock screen.
"Alert: RCMP are currently searching for Myles Sanderson and Damien Sanderson. Contact RCMP immediately if you have any information about their whereabouts."
Those are the names of my stepbrothers. 'What the hell is going on?' I wondered.
The previous year, my mother married Myles and Damien's father. We'd met sometime before at our parents' Thanksgiving meal. From what I could tell at that meeting, Myles seemed good-natured and easygoing. We made small talk and joked about becoming stepbrothers as adults, with me being in my late thirties.
At that time, he was in the process of trying to give up drugs and alcohol and being a better dad for his children — something with which I could relate as I had completed treatment for alcohol addiction in 2020. I wondered how I could share what I had learned in my own recovery to help him with his journey. I never got the opportunity to reach out to him, which is something that still bothers me today.
I was surprised to see that Damien was included in the alert. I didn't know him well, but I saw him as a very shy, quiet and reserved family man with a wife and kids.
Once my sleepy confusion cleared, I called my mom and asked what was happening. She didn't have much information, but I could sense that something was wrong.
As more details began to come out about the stabbing rampage Myles had gone on in James Smith Cree Nation and Weldon, Sask., that eventually led to the death of 11 people and several more injuries, my brain struggled to compute the magnitude of this disaster.
At the same time, I was deluged with texts and messages asking if I had any relation to the tragedy.
My mind was numb and my heart was broken for all the mothers, fathers, mushums, kokums and babies who were affected. I thought about all the hard Christmases, birthdays and bleak anniversaries there would be from this moment on.
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