6 Things You Should Never Say To Someone You’re Dining With — And Why

Even if they’re well-meaning, these remarks can make some people feel judged, shamed and self-conscious.

“You just always have to be healthy.”

A former co-worker used to snarkily say this to me at every group work meal whenever I ordered a salad or something else vegetarian, which I was at the time. She always said it in a way that suggested she perceived what was on my plate as an insult to whatever she ate. It wasn’t, of course.

Her constant comments about what I ate usually led others in the group to laugh and ask me dozens of questions about my meals. Why was I eating this and not that? Was I on a diet? All the questioning and talk about what I ate for lunch made me so self-conscious that I skipped these group lunches whenever possible.

The habit of commenting on what others eat is common, said Heather Baker, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Prosperity Eating Disorders and Wellness Center in Herndon, Virginia. “It’s a way to forge a connection with someone else,” Baker said. “Food is this universal commonality that we share, so it’s only natural that we have this desire to comment on it.”

But doing so can be harmful, she added.