After losing a child: We are a family, but we grieve alone

My daughter’s absence was like a wound, raw and weeping. Everything we did together reminded us of who we had lost.

Once I got married and became a mother, I understood that my whole self wasn’t just about me any more. My life revolved around the other members of my familial collective  – my husband, and my two daughters. Four was the number that felt complete. My world was driven by this new connected identity. We did things as a family, planned holidays as a family, and made decisions for the good of the family – mainly, the children – rather than the benefit of one specific part of the whole. And we were whole. That’s how it felt to me  – whole and perfect and never alone. Yes, it could be overwhelming, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss that time when we all fit together like a perfect, seamless puzzle.